Common Application Essay: Refinement and Growth
In the process of writing this essay, I developed my ability to write with advanced vocabulary and well-crafted sentences, without using overly flowery language that made my writing cumbersome and choppy. For instance, this passage was in my original draft: "At the bottom, a tar pit of all encompassing despair lies, ever enveloping and viscous. Helplessness is the only feeling that remains while the others fade. Happiness, joy, anger, apprehension, sadness all drain from us as we sink further in." This passage is much longer than it needs to be, and was inevitably replaced with this passage: "At the bottom, a moat of encompassing despair that I sank into like tar." In the refined passage, the descriptive language still provides vivid imagery but is free of excess words and ideas. The strategies I used to refine my essay were critique cycles, automated error detection, and cherry-picked rewrites.
For the critique cycles, I had multiple peers and teachers read and provide feed back on the current draft of the essay. Next, I read through all of the critiques given and edited the draft accordingly. The final step was then returning the next draft to iron out all of the errors and inconsistencies in the essay, and repeating until I was satisfied.
The automated error detection was simply using multiple programs online to check for errors and other unsatisfactory elements, such as passive voice.
Finally, the cherry-picked rewrite is exactly what is sounds like, reading through the essay and rewriting every sentence and keeping what I liked, and changing what sounded odd or wrong.
For the critique cycles, I had multiple peers and teachers read and provide feed back on the current draft of the essay. Next, I read through all of the critiques given and edited the draft accordingly. The final step was then returning the next draft to iron out all of the errors and inconsistencies in the essay, and repeating until I was satisfied.
The automated error detection was simply using multiple programs online to check for errors and other unsatisfactory elements, such as passive voice.
Finally, the cherry-picked rewrite is exactly what is sounds like, reading through the essay and rewriting every sentence and keeping what I liked, and changing what sounded odd or wrong.